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Standing over you checking the machine keeping you alive for the millionth time I'm glad you can finally sleep and I don't have to wear a mask of optimism even if you can't see my face. You are so sick and I know it's selfish and you're the one on the brink of death but I just don't want you to get better I need you to get better. I imagine seeing you in a few months outside with your family in a Walmart and walking up to you and exclaiming how great you look even though you won't recognize me and you tell me you feel great and I'm fighting back tears of joy. I can't wait for that to happen.