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Venting some stress


At one point tonight I stopped to take stock, wondering why I felt so on edge. I have spent hours bouncing between two rooms. One a young man (57) very close to death by covid, struggling with him to keep him from being intubated and put on ventilator - a death sentence. I had just talked to his son, fighting back my own tears and trying to sound optimistic but not lie about his father being so close to death. One wrong move with the machines giving him oxygen could be his end. Next door was a woman I have treated for a long time. She knows me and trusts me and every time she sees me she calls out my name and when I mask and gown up and go in she tells me she is going to die and I console her but she is really sick in a way I haven't seen from her yet and now she has cancer and she's in so much pain please help me she cries. I try to console her but I have to go get some equipment and on the way I get a text from a friend asking me if she had ever told me the story of how a few years ago she had gotten in a fight with her husband and it turned physical and he ended up locking her in a room and she was sure he was going to kill her. I have no idea how to respond. The nurses call me in a panic the guy pulled his mask off I go running up sure this is it but I get the mask on him and he recovers, apologizing because he had a nightmare he didn't mean to do it. I tell him what a coincidence I had nightmares all day and it's true - everything from family tragedies to zombies they were relentless. Then my wife texts me telling me she found our 15 yo son passed out in his room with a bottle of vodka. We didn't even know he drank. She's scared he's going to vomit in his sleep and so am I. I tell her to keep his head up and keep me posted. My beeper goes off.